By Hildy Harland
As you may or may not have noticed, since July 2019 I have been on a little mission to explore the cabaret and burlesque scene in the North East as both a performer and producer. In the past I have maybe been a bit cheeky with performances but kept things pretty family friendly all in all. But Since I took that little jetè into cabaret last year (ending 2019 with my first paid burlesque gig in December with the amazing House Of Trixie Blue ) I have noticed a shift happening in my following as a performer, how people see me as a performer and a person since I began to show my body more. I have never been one to be coy about the showing of flesh on or off the stage when it comes to other people however when it comes to me it has been a constant struggle with confidence and the worry it will not be accepted.
My second professional Burlesque performance happened a few months ago and I decided to up my game lingerie-wise and wore a thong and removed my bra. For me this was a hugely positive thing and I was so excited I wanted to share it with the world…so I did! What I wasn’t prepared for was the influx of unfollows on a few of my social media platforms. I haven’t experienced any disgruntled messages or negative comments however the amount of people deciding they no longer wish to engage with me due to the fact I have shown my body speaks volumes!
This left me with many questions! Number one being, what have I done wrong? Why is this such a big deal? Now before this looks like a cry for love, confirmation and attention, it really isn’t, I have so many amazing followers, fans, friends and colleagues who absolutely love seeing me “flash my fandango”(Helen Borthwick quote). I have so many more positive people in my life and barely any negativity, which is why this group of people really stuck out! Some of these people are friends, colleagues and businesses I have supported for years, people I have worked with, people who I thought would not bat an eyelid and whom I have actively helped in the past and some are people who I barely know or engae with myself. This post is more about the curiosity of why they feel so uncomfortable looking at a plussize female body? Why is a bit of sexuality not acceptable? Is it me? Is it my body type? Is it my sex and gender? Or is it them? Is it society as a whole?
There has been a lot of emphasis on self love (oi, oi not that kind cheeky) and self acceptance over the past few years for women within the media and social media, there are tonnes of people fighting the good fight for society to accept people’s natural bodies on social media and in general society… however there is still so much judgement and stigma placed on women who are open with their sexuality, after all it is a huge part of life, it is the reason we are all here! So why do we get our knickers in a twist about it so much? And why is their a disparity between the sexes when it comes to sharing our bodies with others?
So I would love you to use this post to help me find out what is going on? Why are both men and women upset, offended or put off by seeing me and my body (and I’m sure many others too) having some flirtatious fun as an adult on adult social media platforms (although well within their rules)? I feel like in ignoring or hiding our sexuality we are missing a vital connection with ourselves and others. It is us who sets the limits to what is acceptable within society and I think closing off our sexuality is more dangerous, it makes growing into a well rounded person more difficult. Let’s face it making anything a taboo activity or taboo subject that should not be spoken about is something that eats away at you if it’s something you enjoy or are drawn to, we should not be shaming people. In doing this it also teaches our teenagers as well as just…well everyone to be ashamed and normalizes the commercialized idea of what bodies and sexuality should be. But if we were all a bit more open with this conversation it might change something don’t you think? People would not feel like they HAVE to keep dirty little secrets, women might not get slut shamed as much for what they wear in public and sex workers might be more accepted and not get the shame they receive too…
Just a thought…what do you think?
There will definitely be a follow up to this post
Like this post? Or want to support me? Or even see me take it off for real?
You can buy me a virtual coffee
Or go visit my Only Fans for something more cheeky!